Straight Up Time....maybe later.

Disclaimer: Before this is read, one should know that this is about a certain event that is going on in my life right now...that is the whole point of this online, public diary right?....right?

I've never been one to beat around the bush about something. If I have something to say, I say it. Contradicting this is another one of my instincts. My extreme hate of telling someone how I feel. Sure, it's probably pretty obvious when I'm sad about something because I don't make near as much jokes, or flirt as much, or whatever I normally tend to do. It's just that, when I'm hurt, I'm hurt. I can't hide the wound. As much as I would like to just forget about the whole thing and move on, it just stays in my mind like a little seed and grows. I know talking about it would help, but I know that if I started talking, everything else that is extremely important that I keep to myself for the sake of the future of this extremely important friendship will undoubtedly come out. So maybe it is not the fact that I don't want to talk, maybe it is the fact that I shouldn't...for everyone's sake. I mean, the forgiveness factor has been taken care of...it was taken care of before there was even an apology, that's what love is all about..it's just the whole talking things out that I should probably just avoid.

I know this probably relates to pride, which I struggle with, but I cannot help being hurt when I discover that I may not be as much of a "priority" for lack of a better word to someone as they are to me. This is definitely going to happen in life, and it's something I can accept, I just didn't think I would have to in this particular relationship...but hey, it happens.


I know there's a plan for everything, but a lot of times, I get scared that I do things to mess up the plan laid out for me...you know, like sometimes on tv you'll see a time traveling episode where someone goes to fix something that happened in the past, but turns out that one mistake lead to all the good things they had before.(I'm almost positive this is an episode of fairly oddparents by the way) It's just really scary to realize the magnitude of the fact that every action taken is going to affect your future, as well as the future of everyone else around you.

This is the title sequence for the particular episode I was referring to earlier.