the men with the plan

so while i'm on break, i would like to share with all two of my followers(yeah im making great strides in the blogging community) who i've been listening to and I'm obsessed with.

• Donovan Frankenreiter
• Ben Harper
• Jack Johnson

Peace.

I'm glad to say that I have peace with a lot of things going on in my life. My nervousness about play auditions are settled, I'm getting back to that serenity where God is truly using me to work for him, and all my relationships with my friends are great. I'm really glad all this has happened. It's what I've needed. I'm also glad to be able to say that I've removed myself from the dating game, because no matter how perfect the relationship is, as a high school senior, you know the outcome most of the time..separation. Not to put down functional relationships, its just that I've never been able to get one to work. But I have not lost hope. Anyways, this withdrawal has allowed me to just lay back and be friends with everyone and not worry about a relationship...I kinda wish I had been doing this my whole high school career...there would be so much trouble saved. But every test and every bad time is a learning lesson and every single thing that has happened in my life has gotten me to be where I am. It's crazy to think that literally everything in life is simply a series of actions and reactions. I'm super behind on my math and my research paper....so I better react and wrap this post up.

Straight Up Time....maybe later.

Disclaimer: Before this is read, one should know that this is about a certain event that is going on in my life right now...that is the whole point of this online, public diary right?....right?

I've never been one to beat around the bush about something. If I have something to say, I say it. Contradicting this is another one of my instincts. My extreme hate of telling someone how I feel. Sure, it's probably pretty obvious when I'm sad about something because I don't make near as much jokes, or flirt as much, or whatever I normally tend to do. It's just that, when I'm hurt, I'm hurt. I can't hide the wound. As much as I would like to just forget about the whole thing and move on, it just stays in my mind like a little seed and grows. I know talking about it would help, but I know that if I started talking, everything else that is extremely important that I keep to myself for the sake of the future of this extremely important friendship will undoubtedly come out. So maybe it is not the fact that I don't want to talk, maybe it is the fact that I shouldn't...for everyone's sake. I mean, the forgiveness factor has been taken care of...it was taken care of before there was even an apology, that's what love is all about..it's just the whole talking things out that I should probably just avoid.

I know this probably relates to pride, which I struggle with, but I cannot help being hurt when I discover that I may not be as much of a "priority" for lack of a better word to someone as they are to me. This is definitely going to happen in life, and it's something I can accept, I just didn't think I would have to in this particular relationship...but hey, it happens.


I know there's a plan for everything, but a lot of times, I get scared that I do things to mess up the plan laid out for me...you know, like sometimes on tv you'll see a time traveling episode where someone goes to fix something that happened in the past, but turns out that one mistake lead to all the good things they had before.(I'm almost positive this is an episode of fairly oddparents by the way) It's just really scary to realize the magnitude of the fact that every action taken is going to affect your future, as well as the future of everyone else around you.

This is the title sequence for the particular episode I was referring to earlier.

i am thankful for...

• love. true, raw, never ending love
• the closeness of my family
• May 26, 2011 being the last day of my high school career
• my best friends that will do anything for me
• shadiness....it reminds me that sometimes people just won't be nice. it has nothing to do with who the person is, they were simply appreciating something or someone so much that they didnt want the outside world to mess up a perfect moment that may come only every now and then.
• forgiveness
• music
• mumford and sons pandora radio station
• my deep thinking brother
• my beautiful innocent sister
• the ability to be real
• air
• independence(it will be here soon)
• art
• being able to have water or food any time i want it
• being blessed

i am sick of.....

• clementines...i've eaten three cartons of them
• high school
• phonies
• failed relationships
• people thinking they have to tell people they are okay when they are clearly  not..especially at church..if we're all doing just fine, what is the point of Jesus? 
• mediocrity
• scholarship applications
• thinking about my future
• AP calculus
• trying to figure things out
• people focusing their entire existence around something made of a pig's skin

Number One

For the past school year, I've been pumped to leave Decatur. I still am...but not as much. If I get into the architecture program at MSU, thats most likely where I'm headed...but I'll be traveling down to Starkville knowing that there will not be a single soul there that I can hang out with, can talk to, or can confide in. Needless to say....I'm terrified. A lot of my friends are going to Auburn. I have no problem whatsoever with that school, it's just much more commercialized and school spirited than what I'm looking for. MSU seems perfect and I know I'll find my friends and a good campus ministry to get involved in, I just wish there was one person that I knew there. I still have time to make the decision, and I need to just embrace what the Writer has planned out for me and learn to love where I am, who I am with, and who I am. I need to do that right now too. I'm not as content with living in Decatur doing the same old thing every day as I should be. This often results in bitterness towards my schoolwork, church, family and friends. In case you couldnt tell, these are some of the most important things in my life. This is extremely unorganized and extremely "venty" as one of my best friends put something once, but it's whats going on in my mind and I honestly feel lost sometimes. I know that no matter where my friends go to school, nothing in this world will stop them from being my friends and nothing will get in the way of my love for them, I just wish I had one person with the same goals, same priorities, same....anything going to school with me.

1 Corinthians 7:17 - 17 And don't be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God's place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.